


Winchester birthdays

by Heda_Okteivia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abused Dean Winchester, Abused Sam Winchester, Angst, Birthdays, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Child Neglect, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, It's All John Winchester's Fault, John Winchester's A + Parenting, John is a Mess, M/M, Neglect, No Wincest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:55:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25937755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heda_Okteivia/pseuds/Heda_Okteivia
Summary: "He took you to a freakin' baseball game?""Yeah. Why? What'd dad do with you on your birthday?"----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------All the birthdays Sam and Dean had after Mary died until the beginning of season 1
Relationships: Bobby Singer & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & John Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Dean Winchester/Original Male Character(s), Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, John Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	Winchester birthdays

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work and English isn't my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes. I'd be glad If you'd point out any mistakes you find (seriously, don't be shy do bash my grammar skills!).
> 
> This will be a fan fiction about all of the birthdays Sam and Dean had until they were 22/26 focusing on their relationship with John. 
> 
> Archive warnings and rated mature because of later chapters.

24.01.1984

On Dean Winchester's fifth birthday, John Winchester went to a bar and didn't come home until eleven pm, which usually wouldn't even be considered a late time given the fact he went to a _bar_ , but it was his son's birthday and he hadn't even acknowledged it until it was almost over. 

_It's not that he doesn't care.  
It's just that he has been very sad lately and isn't in the mood for celebrating._

At least that's what Dean tells himself when he's curled up in the dirty smelling motel bed at seven thirty, a few minutes after his father left him alone with Sammy to look after. 

“I'll be back soon” John had said, sounding a little funny, like he had already been drinking. “Jus' need a lil' drink.'

Dean knows by now what that means. He knows his father would come back to their motel room late at night, tumbling over his own feet on his way to his bed. Dean doesn't understand how something to drink could make his dad act that way but he knows that he hates what it does to him. It either makes his father angry or sad and Dean couldn't decide which side of John he dislikes the most. 

But it's Dean's _birthday_ and Dean knows that because he has been counting the days to it for weeks now and he just _knows_ that today would be different.

Dean gives his best not to fall asleep. He doesn't want to go to bed when they haven't even started celebrating his birthday yet..

_He's probably just looking for a present but wants it to be a surprise._

Dean waits patiently until eight o'clock, then he gives in on the urge to call his dad and ask him when he's coming home. He checks on Sammy who peacefully sleeps on the motel bed. When he calls John the first time he only gets to his dad's mailbox. He doesn't dare dialing the number his dad made him memorize a second time. John had been very clear that Dean was only allowed to call him on that number in an emergency and he didn't want his father to be mad at him, not on his birthday.

So Dean tells himself again that he'll be back any second, that he isn't answering because it's supposed to be a surprise. 

_He probably remembers how much Dean loves surprises on his birthdays._

It's at nine, when Sammy wakes up and starts crying, that Dean starts crying as well. This isn't the first time he is left alone with Sammy to take care of and it wouldn't be the last time but it's the first time that his dad has risked leaving him and Sam alone with nobody to look after them for _this_ long just to go to a bar and it's Dean's _birthday_ and Dean _loves_ his birthdays.

_He'll come home, He couldn't forget, He'll come back, He always did._

At nine thirty, Dean remembers the birthdays he had when his mom was still alive. He can't _really_ remember them since he was too young when they happened but he remembers the taste of cherry pie and warm hugs and a bright smile. He remembers that his dad had been away for a few days but that he had come home for Dean's last birthday. He remembers feeling safe and loved and important and for the first time since his mother's death he misses _just her_. He doesn't miss his old room or home or the way his father had been before. He misses his _mother_ ; so much that he thinks he might understand how his father had been as sad and as broken as he had been for the past months. 

Dean knows it doesn't take hours to go looking for a present but he's still just a five-year-old kid and like any five-year-old he believes in his father more than he believes in anything. So when the clock on the wall tells him it's ten o'clock and Sammy finally stopped crying he still believes with most of his heart that his father is about to come in with a big box of presents yelling “Surprise” at him.

_He's probably found a monster he needs to hunt on his way back here._

He falls asleep at ten thirty with a picture of his family in his hand. He wants to lay on the Motel bed facing the door but he also doesn't want to let Sammy out of his sight and the thought of making Sammy lay near the door gives him goosebumps for a reason Dean doesn't understand.

As soon as the door opens Dean's awake but he doesn't move. He knows it's his father but for some reason he can't make himself turn around and face him. He knows he still looks like he's been crying and that he has the picture of his parents, Sammy and himself in his left hand and something about his father seeing him like this makes him uncomfortable. 

Dean hears John walk over to the bed and put something on the night stand. He recognizes the sharp smell of whatever his father had been drinking and feels something even sharper inside of him when he realizes his dad really was at a bar and not looking for presents. 

Dean hears a chocked-up sound and knows that his dad had seen the picture in his hand. John made these sounds whenever he saw a picture of Dean's mother ever since she died. 

The sharp pain inside of him doesn't go away.

A hand lands on Dean's shoulder and starts shaking it, way gentler than Dean expected, obviously to wake him up.

Dean doesn't really want to wake up or to talk to his father. He doesn't understand why, because that's exactly what he has been waiting for the whole evening and now his father's there and he wants to talk to Dean and probably wants to wish him a happy birthday and maybe he won't even be sad or angry but all Dean wants is to fall asleep and wake up without the aching pain inside of his chest.

“Dean?” his father quietly asks and shakes Dean's shoulder a little more. “I'm sorry I was gone so long and I'm sorry that I left you alone with Sam on your birthday-" his dads voice breaks.

Dean doesn't remember his father ever sounding that small, that sad, that tired. Dean thinks that his dad must be feeling the same way he does. Maybe if Dean would start talking he'd sound exactly like his dad does too.

Dean doesn't understand the pain inside his chest or why he doesn't feel like talking to his dad but he does understand that he doesn't want to be responsible for his father's sadness. It only makes the feeling inside him worse. 

Hoping that the pain in his chest will go away if he does so, Dean turns around to look at his dad. 

Dean's father has tears in his eyes which immediately makes Dean regret his decision to turn around. He was hoping that his dad would be neither in his usual angry nor in his sad mood after going to the bar. 

“I promise I'll do better, okay?” John slurs, looking at Dean through glassy eyes.

Dean still doesn't want to talk but he also wants the moment to be over. 

Most of all, Dean wants back his father. His mother. His family. He wants back birthdays that left him feeling warm and happy and full of cherry pie.

“Yes, Dad.” Dean wants to say Daddy but it feels like the father he called that is long gone. He's the man in the picture that has one arm wrapped around his wife, the other around his oldest. But that man isn't there anymore, he died alongside with his wife months ago.

John stumbles over to his own bed on the other side of the room. Dean thinks he can hear him mumble another apology but isn't sure. 

Next to Dean on the nightstand is a plastic-wrapped apple pie. Dean feel sick at the thought of eating it. 

At eleven thirty, Dean looks at the picture in his hand and makes his birthday wish. He knows that it won't come true but he's a five-year-old little boy, so he makes that wish anyway.

(The next day John goes out with Sam and Dean and buys Dean more after-birthday presents than he can afford.

For a few more days he lets Dean order whatever he wants at the diner's they are eating at.

He stays a little longer in the places that Dean takes a lot of liking in even If it doesn't get him any closer to finding the monster that killed his wife.

He even stops drinking for a while until there's another dead end and he's all out of clues.

But the ache in Dean's chest didn't leave him when he woke up the next day and now it won't leave him anymore at all and there's nothing John could do to make that up to him.)

**Author's Note:**

> I would really appreciate any comments and I hope that you liked this chapter.


End file.
